—-Deborah LeBlanc—-
My sister is married to a preacher. He’s a nice enough guy, pretty down to earth, and has a fairly large and growing congregation. Their faith is a mixture of Baptist and Assembly of God. In other words, as some folks around my parts would say, they’re Holy-Rollers with a governor on the engine.
Anyway, due to the steady influence of ‘church folks,’ surrounding her, Sis has a tendency to blame every occurrence in life on either the devil or God. I keep trying to remind her that when she was a teen, she was the devil, but that sorta goes in one of her ears and out the other. That being said, though, the subject came up again when I was completing my last book, MORBID CURIOSITY.
I basically went through hell writing that book. Although I had the subject down pat, the outline in prime order, the characters clearly envisioned, every time I sat down to write it, something in my life would turn upside down and pull me away from the computer. And I’m not talking little annoyances, but major, life-altering crap. Although I did finish the manuscript, it was seriously late and got lost twice by Fed Ex when I attempted to send it to my agent, which delayed it even more. I finally had to send the manuscript through email to my editor. He received it all right—along with a virus that infected his computer.
Even weirder, when I gave a copy of the manuscript to the artist who draws scenes from my books for the literacy challenge, the guy damn near didn’t do the job. The way the process works is he’ll read the book, then we discuss what scenes I’d like drawn. That always worked well, until this book He must have called me forty times while reading the manuscript to say, “Deborah, I don’t know what you tapped into here, but it’s freaking me out. I can draw a scene about ‘this’ or ‘that’, but CAN’T draw one with that ‘thing’ in it because it feels too real.”
Well, while all this is going on, my sister calls, and I relay the events to her. She, of course, spent the next hour telling me that the weird events could be God’s way of telling me to use my talents for ‘Him’ instead of ‘wasting’ it on the weird stuff I do write. As usual, I rolled my eyes, set the phone on my shoulder, and did other stuff while she blabbered on. It was my fault. I should’ve known better than to tell her about the ‘strange’ things surrounding MC. But it did get me to thinking…
What if it wasn’t the Big Guy telling me not to write this stuff, but the horn-sprouting punk who lived wayyyy down south? You see, Morbid Curiosity revolves around a set of sixteen-year-old twin girls who get involved in Chaos Magic, something they know nothing about, think is the answer to all their problems, and it damn near kills them. The story is fiction, but Chaos is very real. It’s sort of a bastard-child and off-shoot of Aleister Crowley’s ‘work.’ Thousands of teens around the country ‘practice’ Chaos and wind up either seriously injuring themselves and others or dying. I happened upon this secret world by ‘accident’, while researching something completely different. I was so blown away by the number of kids practicing it and the extreme nature of the practice, I felt ‘compelled’ to write a story about it so the ‘truth’ about its dangers could be revealed.
So that’s exactly what I did, only the story damn near didn’t get told.
Could it be ‘someone’ or ‘something’ didn’t want that truth revealed?
Regardless, the deal’s done. The story’s out, and the book is now on store shelves. Funny thing is as soon as it hit the point of no return, i.e finally got to the printer, finally was sold to buyers, it’s like everything surrounding the book did a three-sixty. Preorder sales for the damn thing sky-rocketed, and I’ve had more interview requests regarding this book than I had for any other book I’ve written.
Kinda makes you wonder doesn’t it? Is the stuff we write only a product of our imagination or is our imagination really a conduit for something/someone bigger?
14 Comments, Comment or Ping
Frank Wydra
Great story. Makes you wonder if the devil is ALL evil or just a little peverse. On the other hand, it could have been God making you spend time in purgatory before walking through the pearly gates. Would that make God perverse as well?
Frank
Jul 18th, 2007
Michelle Pendergrass
I have other feelings, your sister might not like me, nor her husband. I was pretty well kicked out of one Baptist church already because of my experiences, but…well…anyway…
You can’t put God in a box. I know he created me to write horror, it’s just who I am. You are who He created you to be–all of your stories and life experiences make up the person that is unique. Deborah LeBlanc.
I get frustrated with Christians who want all people to look the same, act the same, etc.
“They” all seem to have the same pat answers as well. Not saying anything to offend you or your sister (or brother in law) but listen, it has been my experience that sometimes as well meaning as some people are, they tend put God in their own little boxes because that’s comfortable for them. If he’s wrapped and taped in the box, “they” don’t have to answer the unknowns.
I would say that most likely, you are already doing what God wants you to do. Just like an ant glorifies God by doing ant things, I glorify God by doing Michelle things and you by doing Deborah things, which in this case is writing horror. For you, this particular story with a weirdness wrapped around it.
I bet it is a very important story in God’s eye and I bet it NEEDED to be told. But I don’t think the answer is that God was trying to tell you to do something different. I would say it is far more likely that Satan didn’t want the story told and he and his band of minions worked hard at messing things up.
I believe there are unseen spiritual battles all around us, and honestly, it sounds like you’ve had yourself one. I just don’t think its because God would have you not write a story that people need to be aware of.
Does that make sense?
I hope so. Just this post has convinced me to order the book. I’d love to talk more about it with you as well. I have a story very similar to yours about the novel I’m writing.
Jul 18th, 2007
Anonymous
Interesting post.
I would vote that our imagination is a conduit for a higher presence. How else to explain where the writing comes from, especially on those days when it just seems to flow? I know it’s not like that ALL the time, but it happens enough to creative folks to make you wonder.
I heard a successful and well-regarded painter once say, “I just hold the brush,” inferring something working through him.
Jeff P.
Jul 18th, 2007
Brian Hodge
Really interesting stuff. I would imagine many of us can think of a project that seemed cursed, plagued by a near-endless gauntlet of challenges and delays. Is it connected to the story itself, or is it time for us to undergo another trial no matter what the project is … or is it all just random misfirings?
Then again, you were confronting the forces of chaos, and it sounds as though they confronted right back. And you were up to the challenge.
At any rate, I was reminded of film composer John Debney. Read an interview with him a couple years ago, in which he swore that Satan didn’t want him to finish the score to The Passion of the Christ. He said he went through all manner of equipment breakdowns, computer system failures, and so on.
I can’t help but find it hilarious that one of his next jobs was scoring Sin City.
Jul 18th, 2007
Janet Berliner
What a topic! Wish we could talk about it
over coffee.
My recent experience: A dear friend of mine
is seriously ill, in ICU, essentially destitute and
yes, he’s a writer. His only family member is a
sister who turned her back on her own religion
to become a Sister.
Here’s the thing. My firned desparately need her
help. He needs a family member to sign papers and get him onto disability rolls. Her response: “Serves him right for thinking he’s a writer.” Let me add that my friend is a =bestselling= author.
Where is the compassion?
–Janet
Jul 18th, 2007
Michelle Pendergrass
That’s horrible Janet.
Jul 18th, 2007
rjones
Deborah,
An interesting story from many perspectives and on several levels.
I think you had the answer to all your questions when you rolled your eyes.
R C Jones
Jul 18th, 2007
Janet Berliner
Sorry about my typos. I’m so angry about the situation that nothing works quite the way it
should. –J.
Jul 18th, 2007
David Niall Wilson
I’ve certainly gone through things like this…it’s odd that you mention feeling external pressure on a project. For instance, when I wrote “This is My Blood,” I’d had the idea for a very long time…but something very real, and very not like me at all, instilled the notion in me that I had to wait. I did, and then, in a flurry I wrote it - 21 days - and sold it the next week…but it’s a touchy subject novel that needed proper handling to get an important message out…so maybe someone (on the other end of that message) wanted me to get it right? Very intriguing essay…
And Janet, that sucks so bad I can’t even imagine it…
DNW
Jul 18th, 2007
toiler
I believe… I believe… I believe…
It’s very easy to believe that something or someone else has his/her/its hands on your steering wheel, as in: “Sure, I’ll take responsibility when it feels good and shift the blame — or credit — when it doesn’t.”
It seems anthropomorphism knows no bounds in the human imagination.
I say it’s much, much harder to face reality, to deal with it honestly and with integrity, and to take responsibility for your actions. The rare and brave soul who does live up to such a challenge will realize that randomness and coincidence are inevitable (and welcome) aspects of living in a variable world, all the more opportunity to exercise choice and to live with the consequences.
As I see it, the sister of Janet’s friend needs a good dose of that realism, not more mysticism. Her and her brother’s life is short and fragile — quite the opposite of what most religions teach — therefore, it’s quite precious. This woman needs to learn to make the most of the short time she has, which means fostering love and good will in the here and now.
Jul 18th, 2007
John B. Rosenman
Yes, a great story. I was going to say flippantly that it sounds like God’s work because in telling your story you warned folks about the danger of Chaos. But then I saw that other folks said the same thing. Human beings tend to see great significance in their daily lives, as if God and the Devil are throwing craps for their soul. Usually, though, I don’t think there is any cosmic purpose unless it’s your stubborn, indomitable will or sense of mission to get the story out.
And Janet — “Serves him right for thinking he’s a writer.” Jesus f*cking Christ. That sister is a special case, isn’t she? Well, sometimes, in my gloomier moments, when my writing is going right down the toilet, I’ll think, “It serves me right for thinking I could write!”
You have every right to be furious at that.
Jul 18th, 2007
John B. Rosenman
Yeah, my finger slipped. But the devil made me do it.
Jul 18th, 2007
Joe Crow
Thousands of teens around the country ‘practice’ Chaos and wind up either seriously injuring themselves and others or dying.
O_o
Gotta say, I’ve never heard of anybody dying from spanking it over a semi-abstracted conglomerate alphabetical symbol. Maybe chafing a bit, but…
See, I’ve been a chaote since ‘96, and none of the stuff you’re describing sounds like anything I’ve ever heard of from the scene.
a) most of the chaotes I know of are between 25 and 45. There’re maybe a few folks in their late teens that I’ve run across, and several older folks in their 50’s and 60’s, but I’d be utterly astonished to find out that there were thousands of teens that had even heard of chaos magic, never mind practiced it and managed to hurt themselves doing so.
b) for that matter, if there were more than a few thousand people of any age practicing chaos magic in any real way, I’d be shocked. There’s maybe a hundred or so folks who’ve ever been in the z(cluster), and maybe a couple hundred in the IOT worldwide, and probably under a hundred in TOPY. And those are the largest chaos groups I’m aware of.
c) chaos magic owes as much, if not more, to Austin Spare, William Burroughs and Michael Moorcock as it does to Uncle Al.
d) the extreme nature of the practice? What, masturbating to charge a sigil? Invoking the TeleTubbies as elemental godforms? Using a tv tuned to static as a scrying tool? Thrashing out to industrial music as a cleansing ritual?
What exactly is it that you think we do? The most extreme stuff I’ve ever heard of pales in comparison to the stuff that the dude over at BME posts every day, and they’re just doing that for fun and to make themselves look neat.
The ZCluster’s page is probably the best intro to chaos magic I’m aware of. The fella that wrote it, Marik, is the guy who made the runerings my wife and I got married with. For that matter, the person who married us, Peg, is another Zee (and also a neuroscientist. Doctorate and everything.)
the IOT’s page is pretty good, too.
Sorry to jump down your throat and everything, but these are my friends you’re talking about.
Jul 21st, 2007
Deborah LeBlanc
Sorry it’s taken me a while to reply to these posts, folks. I’ve been on the road the last two weeks, and part of that included ghost hunting. Go figure. God’ll probably put me in charge of the shit brigade in hell for screwing around with all this stuff. Oh, well…
I’m gonna start from the last comment and work my way up if y’all don’t mind…..
Joe, just as in every faith and/or belief system, there are those who misuse it and/or misunderstand it and warp its initial intent. I literally interviewed sixty-five teens who practiced chaos, and all of them directed me to other groups doing the same. There’s a HUGE number of kids doing it all around the country. Many forming ’secret’ societies as a support system.
According to my research into the origin of Chaos, these kids were going to needless extremes. Their thinking seemed to be, “If masturbation works to charge a sigil, then maybe if I do something Bigger, Badder (sp)the sigil will be even more powerful.” Unfortunately, this mindset seemed to be the source of many teens going to extremes like cutting (not to feel, but to feed their sigils)all the way up to killing the family pet. (One practioner’s sister (who also practiced)died after she jumped from a four story building, thinking the intensity of the act would give her sigil more power. The book wasn’t meant to dis Chaos. It was meant to warn teens (and parents) not to take this stuff lightly. If you’re going to practice it, then learn it from someone who really knows what they’re talking about. Not some yahoo who thinks he/she is the reincarnation of Crowley.
John, in my case, hard-headedness rules damn near every time.
Well said, Toiler….
I hear ya, David. I was actually starting on another story when MORBID CURIOSITY came to mind. ‘Something’ told me this was the story that needed to be told now.
Yeah, R.C., I’ve got that eye-rolling thing down pat.
Damn, Janet, that’s horrible! Some people shouldn’t even be allowed to carry the title ‘human.’
Brian, I think you’re right, they (whoever ‘they’ are) challenged back.
I hear ya, Michelle. Sometimes I think my sister’s got God in a box so small, it gives Him hemorrhoids.
You’ve got a point, Frank.
Jul 25th, 2007
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