LESSONS LEARNED
Deborah LeBlanc
LESSONS LEARNED
The first time I remember really feeling brilliant green envy was in the fourth grade. It was the week before Easter, and all the kids had been gathered into the school auditorium for a special assembly and a drawing for the largest Easter basket I’d ever seen. Raffle tickets for this basket had been sold for over a month but since the tickets sold for a buck a piece, and my mom was raising three kids on a very tight budget, I’d only been allowed to buy one.
Anyway, there I was, sitting in the bleachers, holding one blue ticket with the word ADMIT stamped across it and fidgeting while I waited for the big moment. When it finally arrived, and they brought the basket onto the stage, all you heard was the swell of ooh’s and aah’s from hundreds of kids, me included. This basket was HUGE, so much so it had to be toted around in a Red Flyer wagon. A mountain of candy and toys. Every kid in that auditorium would have given their right arm for that basket, and we all held our breath when the principal read the winning ticket number.
It wasn’t mine.
As I watched the winner run up to the stage to collect her prize, my eyes welled with tears. It felt like someone had kicked me in the chest. I really wanted that basket. I guess if there was a positive to that day, it was that I didn’t wish Kathy (the winner) hadn’t won. She was a good kid from a poor home, so if someone other than me had to win, I’m glad it was her.
As I get older, envy doesn’t seem to wield as much of a physical impact on me as it did back then. It sort of flashes across my mind every now and then, feeling more like disappointment than anything. What does hurt, though, is being the target of an envious—no, a jealous person (they’re meaner.). I didn’t have that problem way back when because I didn’t have anything for anyone to be envious or jealous about. Now, judging from the crap I get from time to time, I suppose that’s changing.
Overall, most of the writers I know are good, hard-working people, who strive to get better at their craft. There are others, though, who seem to think the only way they’re going to rise to the top is to step on, squash, slander, backstab those standing beside them. They’re so busy looking at everyone else they never notice how low they’re sinking. All they care about is stealing that other person’s joy, their spirit, their success. How sad. Of course this doesn’t just hold true for writers but people in general, and it’s an unfortunate part of life. Once again, though, time is a magnanimous teacher, and she’s taught me a few ways to cope with these jerks…
If you retaliate against envy or jealousy, you’re only lowering yourself to the dumbass’ level. If you keep your nose clean and stay true to your course, you will prevail every time.
The person who made up the phrase, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me,” is full of crap. Don’t keep listening to who said what about you. Just chalk it up to them being a dumbass and move on.
Don’t trash another author out of envy because it’ll come back to bite you in the butt.
If you’re up for an award and lose, always congratulate the winner—SINCERELY!
If success does find you, no matter the degree, don’t act like you are the only one deserving and start treating everyone like ‘little’ people, especially the ones who treated you that way.
If you ever come across a raffle for an Easter basket, for heaven’s sake, buy more than one ticket!
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Comments
I like very much the saying, ‘living well is the best revenge.’
Let them throw the sticks and stones while you go on to write bestsellers.
Heh…I have to guess that this has something to do with that coveted (and then hated) position of President of the HWA…it’s even worse when you are in that position because any action you take (or reaction you allow yourself) becomes a reflection on the organization..>ARGH!<
Anyway…I have found that a little saying puts back the truth in the old sticks and stones gem…because the pain words have over us is entirely empowered by our own minds…
“Life is painful, suffering is optional.”
The easter basket must have been grand…
DNW
Sage advice. It seems so simple, but there are those who live long lives and just never quite get it, thus becoming bitter. Sad, sad.
–M
XO, Janet! Wouldn’t ya know it…when you’re young, you want that mountain of candy just to have the damn thing. When you’re older, you’ve gotta stay away from it for fear your butt will gather the width of Montana.
You’re right, Teresa, living well is the best revenge. 
David, the basket was to die for!
Mark, you’re right. Some people never seem to catch on to the concept. It’s almost as though their envy and bitterness is all they have to sustain them in life, so they hang onto it for dear life.
“for heaven’s sake, buy more than one ticket!” Truth. In the writing life, it’s not enough just to do good work, so many, many people do good–some even great–work. So you have to buy those extra tickets by putting in the extra effort it takes to become a winner. And, as in any lottery, even then, you may wind up with a hand ful of stubs.
Good piece.
Frank
Excellent advice, Deborah. And you can apply it to other things people do. Recently someone I know sent me an email that on the surface was so polite but in reality was a professional insult because she prejudged me. I immediately, perhaps not wisely, sent a squelching email back, and I’ve been brooding about the incident and nursing my anger like a poisonous baby. Truth is, I should just drop the damn thing.
And Frank is right. There are so many good writers that you have to work extra hard and be even better than that, as good as you can be. Either that or have your own publishing company.
Dear Deb –
As Lord Buckley used to say, “Angels got wings cuz they take themselves lightly!”
Bitterness and envy are the things that slaughter souls. I’ve seen it time and time again. The ONLY good thing one can do with bitterness (your own, or anyone else’s) is to set it down, walk away, and never ever ever go back that way again.
As for “sore winners” (as opposed to sore losers), they are a really interesting breed.
As Albert Goldman sez (in a quote at the end of OVERNIGHT, the Troy Duffy documentary):
“No man is really changed by success. What happens is that success works on the man’s personality like a truth drug, bringing him out of the closet, and revealing…what was always inside his head.”
And it doesn’t always wait for success to happen. It’s the actual LUST FOR FAME that often pops open the trap door, and lets all the boogeymen out of the skull. (Usually through the convenient “Open Mouth” mechanism!)
Which is to say — sadly — that some people are just assholes who are dying for the chance to prove it in public. For them, power = the chance to push people around.
To which I can only say, “Awww. Bless their hearts.”
And then get away, as fast as I possibly can.
GOOD STUFF, DEB! You know I’m with you all the way.
Yer pal,
Skipp
Great point! I’m new to reading SU, but I like stories that remind me of things we learn throughout our lifetime here. Greatly appreciate that one, Deborah.
I’ll send you an Easter basket filled with goodies if you still want one. You most assuredly deserve at least one of them.
Janet