We’ve all heard that expression, right? Some days we feel it deep in our bones. Other days it rings false. There’s gotta be more than just surviving, doesn’t there?
So I’m reading Anne Lamott’s latest book, called “Grace (Eventually),” and she has this quote. She says, “We really aren’t all that special. That’s the good and the bad news.” I thought about that. I nodded my head. Yes, I understood what she meant. I’ve lived under the burden of trying to be “something special” for too long. It’s a good thing to be reminded that the world does not revolve around us and our dreams.
Of course, it’s also bad news–if we take it to mean that we have no purpose, no goals, no real love. Indeed, we are each uniquely special, but none of us is more special than his neighbor. Loosely paraphrased, Jesus told us that if you want “to get a life, you first have to lose your life.” That same concept exists in most world religions. We see it most clearly in fiction through the idea of self-sacrifice. We admire characters who are able to give themselves up, or die to a dream, for the sake of others.
Of course, most of us don’t want to die to ourselves and our own dreams. We think–and we are taught in this culture–that we get a life by looking out for numero uno.
I think it’s a lie. A trap. A big, fat hairy mess. Don’t fall for it.
I’m trying to die to myself daily, so that I can “get a life” the way it’s supposed to be lived. It’s no easy task. I’m not very good at it. But I am trying to incorporate the concept into some of my characters, and myself as well.
As I work on my Jerusalem’s Undead Trilogy (a vampire story), I can’t help but think about that line: “Life Sucks!” And it seems to me to have some parallels. In my search to understand love and grace and meaning, I’ve come to believe that “the answer dies within.”
6 Comments, Comment or Ping
Elizabeth Massie
Thanks for your essay, Dick. Some of my favorite characters are those who ultimately are able to sacrifice something for others. When written well, that kind of character, that kind of circumstance, really touches me. And, though some might be surprised to find this out, a good number of such characters are found in horror fiction (for example, in my novel Twisted Branch, Sam Ford ends up taking a terrible, potentially deadly risk to ease the soul of another who is suffering greatly.)
As to folks in “real life,” I think there is a great deal to be said for looking out for others and not putting ourselves first. It’s true that many only consider numero uno. However, for us to accomplish what we’re here to accomplish, I thik we need to look out for ourselves as well so we actually get something done (it’s like the advice that mothers should take care of themselves so their children will have a healthy mother.) Along the same lines, I think some dreams are meant to be held on to, not given up nor died to, and these should be followed. I think these dreams, and the talents that accompany them, may well be divine gifts that shouldn’t be squandered or wasted. That way, we are active participants in life, contributors in our unique ways to the collective good.
I salute you on your journey. And all the best with your trilogy!
Beth
Apr 3rd, 2007
Elizabeth Massie
Eric, sorry! I didn’t mean to type Dick but I had a brain fart there. I know this was you. Apologies!!
Beth
Apr 3rd, 2007
Sully
Rescuing sentiments, these. But for me it’s always about balance. Somewhere between manic depression and believing your own press when it runs sweet lies a sane place to be. God save us from trusting the world’s mirrors to tell us what we’re worth. On the other hand, to not value the gift of your own identity and its potential for fulfillment is an affront to Creation. Grace. Good word. But good words need context and perspective, and that one needs both reassessed day by day. Thanks for a refreshing slant, Eric.
– Sully (Thomas Sullivan)
Apr 3rd, 2007
David Niall Wilson
But…you mean…I don’t RULE? (g)
DNW
Apr 3rd, 2007
wilsonwriter
Hey, Elizabeth, I have been known to be a dick on a number of occasions, but yes, my real name’s Eric. Apology accepted.
I do believe, absolutely, in the need to recognize and value our own abilities and contributions. Without some level of confidence or sheer stubborn pride, I’d get little done. This was definitely meant to be the pendulum swinging the other way, causing us to think about the other side of the coin.
I have a way of driving my own self crazy with such coin-flipping. Life…what a beautiful juggling act!
BTW, you do RULE, David! (We Wilsons have to stick together.)
Apr 4th, 2007
Anonymous
I understand to get a life, you first have to lose your life (and not because Jesus said it). It goes along with “Life is what happens when you’re making other plans.” Then, I had other plans. Now, I have three children…and a few more years under my belt. (Like, nearly thirty more.)
For a writer, that’s no bad thing.
I haven’t forgotten what it was to be a child or a teen-ager or a young adult…and now that I’m approaching old age and my mother is in her 70’s, I have something of a handle on that too.
I may not weigh much more than I did when I had youthful dreams of conquest…but there’s a lot more to me now than there was then.
Along with a certain pressure to get on with it - not having quite as many decades left in which to make my mark.
Concentrates the mind.
Watch this space.
Shell
Apr 4th, 2007
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