Thomas Sullivan: ZOMBIES FOR LIFE

Hey, you…AUTHOR! Feeling a little guilty, are we? Head not in the game because Heart is playing Walter Mitty again with fame and fortune? The baby’s diaper needs changing, your spouse is giving you hurt looks, friends with radiant deceit in their voices encourage you to finish writing that novel, mom & dad are still waiting for you to grow up, and your boss drums his fingers every time you lean into the computer screen to scrutinize that double-spaced page on your Desktop that he can’t quite make out from his desk top.

Or maybe you are not an author but some other shlub with dreams (we are all shlubs in relation to our dreams). “A man’s reach should exceed his grasp or what’s a heaven for,” says the poet in defense of dreaming. It shouldn’t matter what your dreams are or whether they match up with what others want you to be (what are you, a social insect existing for the good of the colony)? You don’t have to peg your self-worth to the limiting assessments and manipulations around you. It is not an indulgence to let your fantasies get in the game. It is an essential of survival. My personal conviction is that the gap between what is in our hearts and what we actually do is the most pernicious conflict in our lives.

The greater the difference, the more unhappy we are. So why facilitate the gap? Why not shrink it instead? Write that novel, chase your Olympian fantasy in your Nikes or Speedo, pour out your soul in a trusted sanctuary, suspend the rat race for stolen hours of being pure you. Time-outs are a win-win for all of your worlds if they keep you balanced, inspired and motivated! Finding exclusive moments to let your dreams breathe can give you the strength to sustain and even improve your functioning in obligatory roles. Not to mention the flipside, which is that if you never let your dreams breathe, inevitably you will pay the full price anyway. Either you become a zombie-for-life (how’s that for an oxymoron) or your world of appearances suffers a sudden catastrophic collapse after you reach your limit.

Most of us go quietly into conformity for at least part of our lives. The expectations of cultures, societies and relationships are usually the premium paid for some form of security. But the strange thing is that we come to regard that as a moral truth instead of simply an arrangement. We actually become conflicted when we dare follow our natural instincts instead of our conditioned instincts. Should the imperatives of security trump one’s unique path? If you have to sacrifice the essence of who you are or what you feel and what you do in order to pay for it, what is left to secure? Appearances may make life convenient, but if they totally smother your dreams, you are extinct anyway. For the person who thinks it through, getting that perspective straight is a key link to inner harmony and a great relief from fear and guilt. Narrowing the gap between who we are and what we do is what fulfillment and ultimately happiness are all about.

Confession: for a mostly dark part of my life I did not practice what I am preaching here. I played the role of a shlub. Seemed like a good idea at the time – very noble, very responsible, very practical, very caring. Only problem was, I could have been all of those things without surrendering to extinction. Shlub-dom was not what I signed up for. I adopted the role, thinking I would genuinely become the part in someone else’s play. Meanwhile, the real me was lying in a morgue somewhere with a toe tag rehearsing permanent paralysis.

The blame is almost always our own in such cases. We cheat ourselves. If you farm out oversight of your life to outside expectations, you really can’t complain about the compromises, ulterior motives or manipulations that shape your days. It may be the bargain you make for acceptance and security, but it is not the moral compass your inner self needs for happiness and fulfillment.

At least it shouldn’t be.

Understanding that is how you come to terms with the fear and guilt that keep you in line with those outsider expectations. Fear and guilt should be what you feel when the gap between what you want to pursue and what you actually do pursue in your life overwhelms you. You are not made for extinction or hypocrisy. Getting the guilt wrong for the sake of appearances is like saying, “You didn’t see me steal that wallet, therefore I’m not a thief.”

Taking back the territory that you allowed forces outside yourself to usurp in the first place is how you get back in balance. Your survival depends on it! So don’t expect to submit your game plan for outside endorsement. Let self-honesty be the arbiter. Truth will allow you to accommodate without surrender. “Render unto Caesar”…but give your dreams and moments of perfection life support. You are worthy of them. Now, go write that book…

Thomas “Sully” Sullivan

You can see all my books in any format here on my webpage or follow me on Facebook:

Five things to do with your life before you’re ready to be a writer…

Before you can write about life, at least adequately, you have to have lived it. In some way, shape or form. And I don’t mean vicariously on Facebook, or even online at all. There’s more than five things, of course. But these are pretty broad. You can feel free to add in subcategories, or nuances.

1) DO SOMETHING DANGEROUS. Know what an adrenaline surge REALLY feels like. You cannot possibly write about one without that visceral knowledge. And “dangerous” is huge – you can fit in a lot of things under that umbrella – do something that your mother might have warned you about, or something that society considers “unsafe”, or something simply exilarating. Here’s a few of my candidates:- three of my (young, female) friends and I once climbed down from Table Mountain in Cape Town, on foot, in the dark, sliding down scree slopes and falling into the switchback roads, until we finally ended up hitch-hiking a ride the rest of the way down in a solitary car coming down from the topside parking lot, with a single male occupant inside. He was nice. We were taken down the mountainside and deposited at its foot without any incident at all. I was in my twenties; this was half my life ago. The adrenaline rush remains to this day.

– I jumped off a mountain. WIth an instructor, to be sure, in tandem, but still – I parasailed off a mountainside. I have pictures to prove it. When my father saw them – unexpectedly, before I did, long story – his response was, “If you survived that, when you get home, I’m going to kill you.” Yeah. Adrenaline.

– I swam off the edge of a coral reef. The adrenaline of THAT makes my teeth ache right now while I am thinking about it. The experience can still make my heart race.

– I gave my heart completely. And had it broken. And it HURT. And I’m the better off for having dared to do it.

2) TRAVEL. You will gain only a very limited understanding of humanity if you seek it only with people who live in the small town where you were born, and you’re too afraid to venture beyond the edges into the great wide world beyond. Learn at least the basics of another language in which you can communicate with people who are NOT LIKE YOU. The world will open up like an unexpected dream. It’s fun if your destination is far flung and exotic, but it doesn’t have to be. Take a road trip. A train ride. If you have to start small, begin by going an hour, two, four, six, outside your comfort zone. Then,if you feel ready, tackle the world. Some of the places I’ve been:

– Fiji and Tahiti (learned a few phrases of the Micronesian/Polynesian vernacular, learned to snorkel, swam with dolphins, saw an octopus and a coconut crab in the wild, made friends with local people and learned their dreams.And I will never forget the colours of the coral lagoons, nor the black depths of ocean that lie beyond them. The colours of the world.)

– Vienna (walked the polished wooden floors of its Imperial palaces and the cobbles of its streets, listened to waltzes, drank young wine in the wine shops of Grinzig, tasted Sacher Torte in the Sacher Hotel where it was born.)

– Kruger National Park, South Africa, and Etosha National Park, Namibia (saw lions and leopards in the wild, saw an elephant pace slowly and majesticlaly away into the purple African twilight, breathed in the dust and the heat while watching herds of Impala and zebra and wildebeest. Learned that rhinos are the firemen of the African savannah, and run TO a fire instead of away from it, and stomp it out with those hard-soled stumpy little feet of theirs if they can – which means that they can be damned dangerous to campsites when they blunder into the midst of fragile human campers.

– Japan (the first and only place on this earth where I was ever totally functionally illiterate – but I managed. Learned about the Shinto and the Buddhist faiths, and what each means to the Japanese people. Saw many beautiful temples. Saw many beautiful gardens. Been aware that I walked the ground where an ancient and vivid civilisation had thrived for CENTURIES, and felt breathless with that knowledge, particularly when gazing, in a museum, at a samurai sword from something like 1452 – still bright and shining steel and still probably capable of cutting a hair in half as it floated down upon its edge.)

But you get the idea. The world is a wide and wonderful place, and it is FULL of gifts.

3) FEEL REAL GRIEF. You cannot know what it’s like to lose a living thing that you love until you do that – until you lose the cat you’ve had by your side for the last fifteen or twenty years of your life from a simple and inevitable advent of old age or watch a beloved pet waste away before its time from something you cannot do anything about and make the decision on their behalf that they have suffered enough, or sit by the bedside of a grandparent who is slipping away and holding the soft wrinkled hands in your own knowing that they may not feel your doing so but that somehow, somehow, they know that you are there. Real grief is raw and bitter, and tastes of tears. Before you write of it, you have to have had it tear your own heart apart. Because everything else will feel inadequate to those readers of your future work who HAVE known such grief, and will know if you speak the truth.

4) FEEL REAL ANGER. *Something* should make you feel your way down to your core, until you find that cold hard ember that is at the heart of you, not the swift mundane attacks of being cross about someone cutting you off in traffic or being rude to you on a subway. Something should reach all the way down to that primeval thing, the cold fury, the anger that does not leave you blinded with temporary passion but leaves you clear headed and clear eyed and knowing that ALL OF YOU hates this thing that you are seeing, hates with every fiber, and even though you may not be able to do anything at all about it (or maybe not RIGHT NOW, anyway) leaves you considering and discarding options of what to actually DO about that thing that has taken you to this place.. True fury needs few words, that’s for sure, but if you want to write about it you have to know what it FEELS LIKE. What it feels like to be REALLY that angry. So look for something. Cruelty to animals. Cruelty to children. Pointless war. Something precious being willfully wasted. Ignorance and bigotry. Hypocrisy. Something, anything, something that you consider to be IMPORTANT ENOUGH to tap that cold fury in support of. Know it, understand it. Only then can you own it.

5) FAIL. Because you will. it is inevitable. Do what you need to do anyway, knowing that it may meet this fate. Because fear of failure is otherwise going to put the brakes on too many things that you need to do or want or know in your life before you can understand any other human being alive deeply enough to write their story. You HAVE to know what it means to fail. The lives of the very rich and the very happy seldom make for good story fodder – because these people are insulated from failure. Everything is handed to them, and if failure becomes a looming option then a scaepgoat is found to take the weight of it leaving the one who truly failed unscathed by it all. The most interesting stories come from people who have failed HARD, and then learned from that failure, and risen up like proverbial phoenixes to touch fire again. DOn’t be afraid to fail. Just be afraid of not trying.

Any questions…?


This essay might be of special interest to writers of detective and mystery novels who would like to enrich their stories by providing their readers with a gift of extra details. It might also be of general interest to many other readers, especially those who are CSI and NCIS fans. The ADDITIONAL INFORMATION section of this essay contains material found during research. It is not always closely related to the main subject of the essay, but is thought to be interesting.

This piece departs from my usual fare in that a victim is not saved or a crime is not solved or avenged thanks to some new gadget, process or stroke of genius developed by a person or group working in the field of forensics. In this case, a kidnap victim used his observational skills and memory to help authorities catch his kidnappers and a cadre of persons who aided and abetted them following the actual kidnapping.

Unlike many criminals during the crime-ridden1930s, George Kelly Barnes, Jr. was not brought up in a poor family in a poor residential neighborhood. His father was a well-to-do insurance executive and his family lived in a fairly select area of Memphis. He enrolled in college, but he was far from being a good student and left after a few months. He married a fellow student, but, after having two children, his wife divorced him. He drove a cab for a while, but soon discovered that moonshining and bootlegging were more profitable. This led to his being arrested several times, and he left Memphis. Apparently, to keep his family name untarnished, he also assumed an alias of George R. Kelly. As he moved about, he served a few months behind bars in the New Mexico State Penitentiary for bootlegging, was next arrested in Tulsa for vagrancy and later charged with bootlegging. Kelly eventually took a job with a bootlegger named “Little Steve” Anderson. He soon left Anderson’s employ, reportedly in Anderson’s sixteen-cylinder Cadillac and with its owner’s mistress, Kathryn Thorne. Kelly and Kathryn were married in September of 1930.

Ms. Thorne did not come without a bit of her own baggage. She had a daughter with a husband she had married when only fifteen and had soon divorced. She had then tried another brief marriage. Following that, she married a bootlegger named Charlie Thorne. While away, she heard that he had cheated on her, and she headed home. On her way, Kathryn reportedly told a gas station attendant, “I’m bound for Coleman, Texas to kill that god-damned Charlie Thorne.” Charlie was found shot to death the next day. A coroner’s jury ruled his death a suicide.

Kathryn’s baggage also included her mother, who ran a bootlegging operation, a step-father, who rented his Texas ranch as a hideout to wanted criminals for 50 dollars per night, two uncles, who were in a federal prison in Leavenworth, Kansas for car theft and counterfeiting, respectively. A cousin was suspected of counterfeiting, another cousin was a bootlegger and an aunt was a prostitute. Kathryn herself was no stranger to legal authorities and had been charged with shoplifting and robbery and had been jailed for receiving stolen goods and for prostitution. She had done time using a variety of names. Her actual name was Cleo, but she preferred to use Kathryn because she thought it sounded more glamorous.

Kathryn has been credited with helping to establish a reputation for Kelly as a ruthless criminal wanted for bank robbery, kidnapping and murder. She bought him a Thompson submachine gun at a Ft. Worth pawnshop for 250 dollars and insisted that he practice shooting it. She even distributed spent shells to relatives and friends as souvenirs and referred to him as “Machine Gun Kelly.” A wanted poster described him as being an “expert machine gunner.”

Kelly took part in a number of robberies. His first kidnapping was that of a banker’s son. Reportedly, however, he was not the desperado that Kathryn made him out to be. Kelly released the banker’s son when he convinced his kidnappers that he could not afford to pay a ransom, but that he would owe it to them and pay off the debt when he had enough money. (He never did.) Meanwhile, Kelly and Kathryn lived in a Fort Worth house that had been built by the late Charlie Thorne.

The crime that brought Kelly and his nickname, “Machine Gun Kelly,” to public notice was that of kidnapping oil tycoon, Charles F. Urschel. (He was the observant kidnap victim mentioned in the second paragraph of this essay.) Kelly and a partner, Albert Bates, forced Urschel from his Oklahoma residence late in the evening of July 22, 1933, interrupting a game of bridge he and his wife were playing with another couple on their front porch. Bates repeatedly referred to Kelly as Floyd, assumedly to make Urschel think Kelly was “Pretty Boy” Floyd.

Urschel was held captive on Kathryn’s father-in-law’s ranch in Texas. Items he took note of to foil his captors included the sound of an airplane passing overhead twice each day. After what he judged to be about five minutes after each flight, he would ask the person guarding him what time it was. He estimated the overflights took place regularly at about 9:45 a.m. and 5:45 p.m. He recalled there being a violent thunderstorm one day. During a conversation with a guard, he learned there had been a severe drought in the area. Two of the guards seemed to him to be father and son. He remembered hearing the creaking of a pump from which he was served minerally tasting water in a tin cup. He also thought to leave his fingerprints everywhere he could.

After Urschel had been kidnapped, his wife called the police and then called J. Edgar Hoover in Washington, D.C. Urschel sent letters to Mrs. Urschel and two family friends, advising them that the kidnappers were demanding a ransom of $200,000 in $20 bills. One of the friends delivered the money to Kelly at an arranged location in Kansas City, Kansas, on July 30. Urschel was freed near Norman, Oklahoma the next night. He walked to the nearest telephone and called a cab.

By this time, the FBI had a fair idea who the kidnappers were. Mrs. Urschel and the other two bridge players had tentatively identified a photograph of Kelly as being one of the kidnappers. With the information provided by Erschel, the FBI located the ranch where Erschel had been kept. A check of airline schedules revealed that an American Airlines plane passed daily over Paradise, Texas between 9:40 and 9:45 a.m. and 5:40 and 5:45 p.m. Upon raiding the Texas ranch, they found the creaky pump, the tin cup and Urschel’s fingerprints. Kelly and Kathryn were arrested on September 26, 1933 during an early morning raid on a house in Memphis. At trial, they each received life sentences. They were not the only persons tried and sentenced in this case. A number of other persons were involved. As it ran its course, the case resulted in a conviction of 21 persons. Six earned life sentences and the rest, a total of more than 58 years.


Kathryn attracted suspicion when, on the day after the kidnapping, she tried to establish an alibi when meeting one of two detectives she had wrongly thought were corrupt. She told him she had just come from St. Louis, but he noticed red dirt on her car’s tires and Oklahoma newspapers on the car’s seat. He also recalled that she had previously invited him to take part in a kidnapping. There were two versions of what happened next. One is that the detective suspected that the Kelly’s were involved in the Urschel kidnapping and reported it to the FBI. The other was that there were two local detectives who contacted the FBI when they didn’t get a split of the ransom.

A vivid description of Kathryn Thorne was provided by J. Edgar Hoover when he reportedly quoted a man as having told a friend, “Remember that innocent little girl I was going to show a good time? She took me to more speakeasies, more bootleg dives, more holes in the wall than I thought there were in all Texas. She knows more bums than the police department. She can drink liquor like water, and she’s got some of the toughest women friends I ever laid eyes on.”

Until 1935, the FBI officially bore the title of the Division of Investigation, U.S. Department of Justice.

An accessory to a crime is one who helps another to commit a crime. Aiding and abetting is a crime that includes persons who purposely have someone else commit crimes for them. Punishment for the latter is usually more severe than that for an accessory.

The nickname, “Machine Gun Kelly,” referred to Kelly’s supposed weapon of choice. While serving time in Alcatraz, he often boasted about having committed many crimes. According to a fellow inmate, however, he was such a model prisoner that other inmates referred to him as “Popgun Kelly.”

The development of the Thompson submachine gun and its use by gangsters–especially during the 1929 St. Valentine’s Day Massacre when seven persons were killed–reportedly led to the 1934 National Firearms Act and the public pressure for gun control in the United States.


Another round of what seems to be your favorite format is on the docket.  “Will the Jury [You] please be seated and the Witness [Me] sworn in? August Q&A is now in session.”

Q: [Bloomfield Hills, MI, and others] So glad to read that you are finally coming out with CASE WHITE.

A: Would you believe I’ve been sitting on this novel for well over three decades despite several lucrative near-agreements to bring it out in paper/hardcover/e-book?  It’s been a predicted blockbuster, but whether or not it gets attention or is lost in the e-book marketplace, it is time to get on with my life. I did four years of research into the bizarre archives of Nazi Germany that I believe no one has fully integrated into how a nation went insane for 12 years, but Publishers Row kept wanting me to “Ludlumize” the narrative for commercial purposes, and that’s why I’ve let it languish in my filing cabinet all these years. Am banking on David Wilson, publisher extraordinaire at Crossroad Press, and the power of this incredible story whose roots trace from the Crucifixion through a coherent chain of mystic lodges (“Every good German has one foot in Atlantis”– Goethe). CASE WHITE debuts soon…

Q [Waterford, MI – posted on a FB link about the daily life of highly creative people]: Thomas Sullivan…Sully, I would love to see your daily schedule/routine up there along with these others. You do more in 24 hours than others do in a week…and still find time to keep churning those books out of the ballpark ! Can’t even begin to think how you manage to do it all and still be so easy-going and stress free……tell us your secrets, please, tell us, do tell……(besides getting no sleep)

A: Routine?  I’m hard put to remember yesterday or predict tomorrow. But as for the living itself, I think it has to do with getting enough meaning out of each day as if it’s a piece of a puzzle that completes your life – in fact, pieces of a puzzle that explain all life. You do this not just with the things and events of a day but by using associations and metaphors styled with beauty and insights. Think of each day as a kind of solar system or an atom made up mostly of empty space.  If you spend your day in empty space, you go nowhere.  But if you cut out the empty space, you get to explore the planets, moons and central star stuff.  The richness is cumulative – which is why it’s important to USE not LOSE time. I hate to waste time. What am I doing here if I’m not supposed to use everything inside me? It amazes me when people drift in vacuums instead of connecting to the resources that light up what they are. You are not a corollary to circumstances or to what others think.

Q [FB friend posting from Arlington, Texas]: Why very little promo, Sully?

A: An excellent question I should ask myself every day.  And I guess the short – if not quite honest – answer is that I’m too busy living.  There was a time in Michigan when I did a lot of media.  A lot of TV, radio, and speaking engagements 3-4 times a week.  My publisher joked that I didn’t need a publicist – though a big chunk of that exposure was in general formats that didn’t necessarily push my writing.  The expectations got to be stressful and when I moved to Minnesota, I made up my mind to be as anonymous as I could.  LOL.  Very successful in that!  No one much knows or cares who I am here; and I can’t make up my mind whether I like that or not.  I know I should do more, and I’ve had some stunning near misses, including Hollywood options with A-list talent where the money couldn’t quite come together.  It’s been very uneven, e.g. a Norwegian publisher flies me all the way to Oslo to speak at the House of Literature or the government pays me to run a prestigious writers workshop but the local library knows me not. Largely my fault, as I continue to turn down things like an offer to pen a newspaper column or other engagements. My split career between literary and genre has made me a sort of “man without a country,” which I’ve compounded into inertia when it comes to promo. Hoping to bridge that in a month or two by releasing CASE WHITE, the novel mentioned above in the first question! Astonishing how badly I’ve managed my career, but like I said, I’ve been very busy living…

Q [Ogden, Utah]: You wrote about women worrying about their looks, but I think beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

A: Agreed. Women who look good but don’t do a thing healthwise to look good don’t look good to me.  The love of my life was the most naturally beautiful woman I ever saw, only it really didn’t take effect on me until I got to know what she was like inside.  Her physical beauty was a gift I greatly appreciated, but which – by itself – meant nothing.

Q [Columbus, OH]: Whatever it is that makes you happy I wish you would bottle it.  I’ve tried to adopt a positive attitude but something always shoots me down.

A: Happiness might not be unrelenting, but it is out there.  I can’t tell you why it works for me most of the time, it just does – and for others, as part of who they are.  I’m sure it helps to associate with that kind of person (“catch a falling star and put it in your pocket”). But you shouldn’t feel alone or isolated.  I’d say you’re more in the mainstream, from what I see of people’s lives.  If you don’t know that just from your own observations, you should read my email.  A lot of people (I mean a lot) have to brainwash themselves just to get through each day.  They may feel alone, worthless, outraged or wasted.  They tell themselves they don’t feel those things and they count their blessings, but many soldier on with vastly lowered expectations, disappointed, disillusioned, trying to be good in the eyes of others.  Is that you?  I believe in dream lives, but you have to make them happen.  You’re not chained to a bed post – chains are more often choices.  Find what makes you happy and give it a place in your life, even if it has to be a private part of your life.  “Render unto Caesar…”

Q: [Albany, NY] What is this box set coming out that you’re part of, 20 novels for $.99???

A: Yes, it’s for real.  It wasn’t out when you wrote your question, but it’s out NOW for a very limited time (30 days)! PANDORA’s box set is a collection of paranormal novels ranging from YA to adult by an impressive array of established authors. In just two days it was firmly on Amazon’s Kindle Best-Seller list! The idea here is to expand audience, even at a giveaway price. This excellent library-in-a-box will be unavailable after September 5th. So it’s now or never! My own novel of a global quest by a cynical adventurer who travels from an Inca fortress in Peru to the Giza pyramids to a strange churchyard in Connemara Ireland where he falls in love with a woman of – shall we say – more than mortal roots is included.  THE WATER WOLF is just one of the 20, so jump on this bargain if you like to read.  Available across the board of publishing, here’s the Amazon link:  Links to other e-book formats are on my website:

Thomas “Sully” Sullivan

You can see all my books in any format here on my webpage or follow me on Facebook:!/profile.php?id=1219261326

Sea of Voices, or, A Question of Character

At the Cascade Writers Conference in Seattle, over the weekend of July17-20 2014,I gave an hour-long talk entitled “Sea of Voices”. This is not, exactly, a transcript. More of a “retelling”. But this is the gist of what I had to say at the conference, repackaged for a wider audience.


“How many people are in this room?” I asked the audience at my talk, and I saw them start turning around to start counting heads. “No,” I interrupted, “not how many warm bodies. How many people. Let me introduce you to the ones that are currently up here at the front of the room, with me.

And then I spoke, in character, as character, as four of the characters from my own stories. Here’s what I said – here’s what the characters said through me, using my body, my voice:


Coyote (from the Worldweavers series)

She called me Corey, in the books. She had to call me something. But you might know me better as Coyote… or perhaps as someone else altogether. You might never know when I am near you. I have many faces.

I am a spirit; I am a god; I am an avatar. I am chaos.

I am a rock in a stream; I do not block the water flow but I act as a dam and I make the water find a way around me if it wants to move forward in its bed. I am a lesson to be learned.

I am neither good nor bad, but I am balance.

I do not plan, because the future comes anyway, but I live in this moment and in it alone and I do what must be done to help the world – and my people – move forward. I am always early, and I am always late, and I am the world’s most trusting fool as well as its most cunning Trickster. I am neither light nor darkness, I am shadow, and without me neither light nor dark exist.


Rohese Mazarin (from a work as yet unwritten)

When I first came out of the cloud to speak to this one I introduced myself, I gave my name and my city, I gave my lineage, my history, my past, my credentials for becoming the narrator or at the very least a very important part of A Story. I gave far more than would ever be used – but how else could I be real?

I gave the story of the little girl who knew that in her world she would be without power unless it was the power of pillow talk with a man who could make the things she thought and dreamed of come to pass in her name. The little girl who wanted the world anyway.

The little girl who sat on the rim of the fountain in her father’s marble-paved courtyard and saw the reflection of the moon in the still water… and reached out to take it in the full knowledge that it could not fail to be hers… and watched its image shiver and shred into ripples as her touch disturbed the water.

The little girl who knew even then that the lesson was not that she could not have the moon. The lesson was that the moon was an illusion.


Grayson (Gray) Garvin (from “Shifter”, book 3 in the Were Chronicles, Coming Soon!)

I played coy, see. I wandered into the story, late, and stood playing with my hair – I tend to chew on the ends of it, it’s a bad habit I picked up in foster care when I was little – and I wouldn’t give her my name. And so we played Rumpelstiltskin, she and I, and she would ask, are you Jenny? Are you Anna? Are you Vivian? Are you Maggie? And I would shake my head and smile coyly and drop my eyelashes over my eyes and watch her squirm.

Until finally she gave up and posted a poll on her blog asking her readers what my name was – and hey, I couldn’t have that, I couldn’t have her crowdsourcing my name – and so I crept up to her one night as she was just about to fall asleep and wasn’t even thinking about me and I whispered into her ear, “Grayson. My name is Grayson Garvin, But you will probably know me better as Gray.”

She sighed, and slept. But now she knows me. And now we wait for my story to begin. I haven’t told her all of it yet. I am not the kind of girl who gives it all up just like that. I will make her work for it, for every word I say, for every dream I have, for every thing I love or despise – I will make her find out. It’s MUCH more fun that way.


Xaforn (from “Secrets of Jin Shei”)

I lived my life by the code of honor.

When I was just a little girl I brought down three bullies, boys bigger than me, because they were torturing this innocent kitten – not just because the kitten was innocent and helpless, although there was always that, but because the kitten belonged to us, to the Guard, and we had a duty to it. To protect it, to save it, to keep it safe and out of the clutches of these impious hands. So I just did it, what needed to be done, without thinking about it – it was instinct, it was something inside me, it was something I was born with and could not be myself without.

They asked me why I did it and I told them – and it was simple – it was OUR cat. And we had a duty to it.

It was only years later that I understood the true lesson of the kitten, that day in my childhood now long gone – on the night I found myself having to choose between the love and duty that I had always given to the Guard who had been my family since the moment I had been left on the doorstep of their barracks in a basket when I was only days old, and my duty to the sense of honor which was the core of myself… and I faced down the Guard because honor called me to do it, in defense of my friend, of the sister of my soul, of someone who was another part of myself, because it was the right thing to do, because it was the only thing to do… because she was MY cat. She was where my love and my duty lay, in the end, even if it cost me my life.


I could see the dawning of understanding in the audience as the characters stepped on the stage and took the light and the cue and said their piece. I could see eyes beginning to sparkle. And when I asked, after my last character was done, “How many people do you think are in this room now?” – I could see the original number, the original head count, becoming revised upwards. Into dozens. Maybe approaching hundreds.

We all carry it within us, all the writers, we all swim in this sea of voices which whisper into our ears as we work, as we eat, as we sleep, as we dream. We contain multitudes, That person sitting in the back of the bus having a passionate conversation with thin air? He’s probably a writer arguing with a recalcitrant character who will not do what is needful because they know better (the worst thing is that they usually DO…)

One of the things that these conference attendees came here to find out is how to create their characters – how to find them, how to meet them, how to control them – and all I could tell them was that I did not know, because in my case my characters came out of the ether fully formed and proceeded to find/meet/control ME. I – and I think a very high number of other writers – suffer from a case of mild possession, with the character demanding that I sit down and take dictation, that I tell a story that needs to be told and for which I am the only voice. I am not so much a God of this universe as I am its amanuensis.

Good characters, true characters, are self-aware to a degree that would astonish most people if they stopped to think about it – and that goes for the protagonist of any story and the chief villain thereof as much as it applies to the third spear carrier from the left who may or may not have a speaking part. Even when it feels the most like you – the author – are making all the decisions… if you are listening hard enough, it’s the sea of voices which is steering your craft, telling you which way to go in the currents of story.

They may begin nebulous, like any newborn, but those characters who are worth their salt quickly get past that stage into the classic teenage “don’t tell me what to do!” mindset and then they find themselves walking a largely self-chosen path with the writer only there as support, as a source of information, as a confessional, as a curious companion.

The difference is that, to any story that is being told, the author is necessary; the characters are essential. It’s their story. All YOU are doing is telling it.

The most unforgettable characters who can grace any story are not the ones whom you are trying to change – it’s the ones who are subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) changing YOU while you are in their company. Because those characters are going to change everyone, by the time they’re done. They’re the ones the readers will remember long after they close the book in which the characters appears, long after the details of the individual stories are forgotten. These are the characters who step out of their books and live as eternal companions to the people into whose minds and hearts they have crept and taken residence there; the characters who are so alive, so real, that those who have made their acquaintance will be able to tell you with absolute certainty how the characters would act in any given situation which is not remotely within the realm of their original tale. They have breath, a beating heart, a real soul – they may not always have salvation but if they are good enough they will always have an afterlife.

A character like this is a gift, more than any author can hope for when they dip their metaphorical pen into the inkwell and start a tale. Listen for their whispers, when they drift near you in the sea of voices. They will frustrate you, they will anger you and annoy you, they will make you weep, they will make you laugh, they will fold their dreams into your hand and close your fingers around them and tell you to treat those dreams with care. And it is a covenant. This is a promise that you must make them, that you will do right by them, as best you know how. THEY will show you the way.

The best way to find your characters… is to listen. The sea of voices is out there. Its message is waiting for you to find it… when you are ready to hear.

Somewhere in those voices there is one that is speaking to you right now. Meet them halfway. And then watch the magic happen.


This essay might be of special interest to writers of detective and mystery novels who would like to enrich their stories by providing their readers with a gift of extra details. It might also be of general interest to many other readers, especially those who are CSI and NCIS fans. Kindly note that the characters and locations in the following essay are fictitious and have been created to represent persons and places associated with a possible crime solved with the aid of an unusual, but real, forensic method.


The telephone call was directed to the office of Captain Billy Miller, who was in charge of a police precinct in Gulfax City. Among those he commanded, he was often referred to as Barney Miller, after the popular situation-comedy and character having had that name. Miller sported a mustache that gave him an appearance similar to that of the character, but he lacked a similar sense of humor. Miller’s smile was reserved for off-duty hours and was not often seen even then.

The captain’s office adjoined a squad room containing a meeting table and a number of cubicles. Each cubicle was shared by two officers who worked different shifts. When not out investigating crime scenes and interviewing witnesses, they wrote reports, discussed theories and received assignments from Miller. The incoming call was to advise Captain Miller of an apparent murder of a well-known trial judge, Malcolm Bridger. As the captain hurried through the squad room, he collected two detectives, namely, one Colleen Donovan and one Riley Finch. The three hot-footed it to a police cruiser and headed for the suburbs. The late judge, a recent widower, had lived alone there in a large, Victorian-style house.

Upon arrival, the trio found Bridger’s body resting face-up on the floor of his study before a large, paper-strewn desk. The body was clothed in a light-blue lounging robe. Blood had escaped from a knife-inflicted chest wound, darkening the front of the robe. It appeared that Bridger had tried to defend himself before being stabbed. A.pair of glasses lay broken nearby, and a high-back chair lay on its side. Four depressions in the carpet disclosed the chair’s original position along one side of the desk. Neighbors discovered the body when they had arrived for a traditional Friday-evening card-playing foursome. Bridger had not responded to his doorbell, and his back door was ajar.

Captain Miller was all business and dispensed instructions to his crew of two in clipped, right-to-the-point sentences. After photgraphs were taken of the crime scene a medical examiner arrived and officially confirmed that the judge was dead. The body was then transported to the Gulfax morgue, where an autopsy would be performed. The detectives remained to attend to the business of note-taking. measuring, photographing, collecting and labeling the usual multitude of items that might prove to be important when identifying, finding and subsequently convicting Bridger’s killer. The potential evidence would be submitted to a laboratory for analysis by forensic specialists.

Among the items found near the body was a small, plastic article. Finch immediately identified it as an in-canal hearing aid, and Donavon said that it looked like one worn by her mother. They initially thought it had probably belonged to Bridger and had fallen out of his ear during the skirmish with his killer. Forensic analysis of ear wax (cerumen) adhering to it, however, excluded the judge as having been the wearer; and there was a good chance it had fallen from the attacker’s ear.

The judge had been well-liked and respected by everyone who knew him–even attorneys against whom he had ruled in court. As was to be expected, of course, felons to whom he had awarded prison terms did not generally number among his admirers. That alone substantially expanded the field of those who might have wished to seek revenge for him having reduced the size of their living quarters to a single, unfashionable cell. A recently paroled felon named Fester Sturbic, however, who had, in front of the entire court, strongly addressed the judge by a name not given him by his parents, naturally became a prime suspect.

Meanwhile, research had been directed at determining the possibility of using body odors from armpits and earwax for forensic purposes. It was thought their analyses could reveal persons’ identities, ethnicities, genders, sexual orientations, states of health and also where they had been and what they had eaten. It has long been known that mothers can recognize their babies by their odors. I can recall that, upon returning home after attending night classes, I was immediately able to determine which of my brother’s children had visited during the day.

In Sturbic’s case, there was evidence supporting a guilty verdict , but it was somewhat inconclusive. In the laboratory, the earwax found adhering to the hearing aid found near the judge’s body and that taken from Sturbic’s ear were separately warmed until each became an odorous gas. Each gas was then analyzed using a technique employing gas chromatography and mass spectrometry. The results of the analyses were compared and found to be a match. When added to the evidence found previously, it easily resulted in a stiff sentence for the defendant.


Animal tissues come in four flavors: epithelial, connective, muscle and nervous. Epithelial tissue is relevant to this essay because it lines our ear canals and provides a function of transcellular transport. Epithelial migration acts as a conveyor belt for earwax, moving toward the entrance of the ear (auditory) canal, carrying particulate matter that might have gathered in the canal. It also carries debris dislodged from the canal wall by jaw movements. Epithelial cells migrate at a blinding speed, comparable to that of fingernail growth.

Earwax has another useful application. A build-up of earwax in toothless whales sometimes provides the only means of determining their ages. Blue whales are baleen whales, which have baleen plates that filter food from water. They evolved later than toothed whales and live for an estimated 80 to 90 years. Being some 98 feet in length and weighing some 190 tons, they are not only the largest living animal, they are the heaviest animal that ever lived.


Tweets are for Twits.

…and also for visionaries, sages and gods on the verge of creation – i.e. writers in the throes of inspiration. That’s because simple one-sentence summaries are essential for clarity of thought. They are like single seeds full of promise, whereas unpruned gardens can easily bloom into tangles. Getting bloomers down to briefs is…um, as basic as underwear.

So, a tweet-size summary will sharpen and consolidate your wits. And if brevity is the soul of wit, it can also be the thumbprint of a character, the skeleton of a sketch, the pulse of a short story, and even contain the personality of a novel. But take care that this doesn’t come out in some postmortem after all the writing and editing is down on paper; it should be there in the beginning. The very beginning. Even before the birthing of a plot or a plan. It should be part of the inspiration and the conception. You are imitating God, after all, creating humans and their destinies. Should be some passion in there, don’t you think?

Capturing that spark is itself a delicate skill, sort of like catching a fickle firefly in a bottle at midnight. How do you get all the DNA of a character into a verbal stem cell? How do all the chromosomes of a novel fit into an Alpha and Omega Uber sentence? For the sake of uncluttered thinking you need a concise summary statement. The details can come later, but if you don’t get the big perspective up front, you may have trouble differentiating a coherent idea from a hodgepodge of themes, characters and threads of tension to be resolved. Going at it piecemeal – cobbling together details or subplots on-the-fly – is usually the doomed foundation for a tower of Babel, a hybrid plot, and maybe some box canyons and dead ends.

I say this as one who dearly HATES outlining. There was even a time in my life when NOT outlining was a badge of pride – pure vanity – because I saw myself as so lightning quick that my ego got off on being spontaneous. Worse, I sized up people who outlined ad infinitum as insecure souls whose stodgy methods would never achieve quantum leaps of imagination. It wasn’t until I got past the personal statements that I understood the fallacies and benefits on both sides of that line.

The breakthrough came with a commitment to describe each project in a single sentence that takes less than a minute to craft. Now, if I can’t find the all-inclusive words resembling a tweet, I recognize that a book isn’t ready for primetime. The perfect sentence is like verbal sex (sorry, no phone calls): seduction building with passion to a satisfying sense of completeness. An outline follows – you have to plan for the baby. THEN you incubate the inspiration.

Don’t get me wrong, I still like to be impromptu. But that is no longer a method I cultivate for its own sake. In fact, all true creativity is by definition spontaneous. Doesn’t mean you have to start by inventing the wheel. The farther up the hill you roll before you put the pedal to the metal, the better mileage you’ll have when you sign and date the final draft. In other words, with an outline in hand you have a failsafe minimum for the result. The book, character, or whatever, will never be less than that. And almost certainly, what you actually end up with will be better than your original outline. Think of advanced planning as a first-stage rocket.

Caveat: the point here isn’t to be wedded to an outline. I used to think of planning as a limitation that would prevent my imagination from soaring. Not so. Nothing says you can’t reshape your plan like Play-Doh, or throw it out and start over, or build on it Lego by Lego. It is just an entry into your list of possibilities that gives you the advantage of the big picture before you launch into the actual writing. And from that perspective you may not only see flaws but new possibilities as well. An outline can and should be organic. And even if it goes out the window, you still have that guiding star – your single sentence – to get it right.

Another truism that emerges for me from outlining is that it tends to keep me from getting lost in the emotion of the moment. I.e. never trust a mood. Do you ever find that a scene you write at night, after the day has cluttered your feelings and left you raw with stress, reads like crap in the cold sterile light of dawn? Outlining keeps me focused on the purpose of the book and less apt to drift after the collateral emotional damage of a single day.

So, I recommend explicit pillow talk with your muse early on. Light that spark in a single rush of passion. Then savor the long release of your imagination…

Thomas “Sully” Sullivan

Huge special on Pandora box set below including my novel THE WATER WOLF! You can see all my books in any format here on my webpage or follow me on Facebook:!/profile.php?id=1219261326

The art of time travel

I time travel quite a bit.

No, seriously, I do.

It’s cheap and you can do it whenever you want, really.

So long as you have photographs..

Sometimes, when I take stock of how many photographs I have, it’s alarming. There are albums and albums which my father put together as I was growing up. The earliest one I have in my closet, a precious thing, is the old fashioned kind with thick gray pages on which you pasted the photos, and Dad did this, small old black and white pics to begin with, of my mother pregnant with me and then my first baby pictures (yes the obligatory bare-ass one…) and then me, growing from a shapeless papoose into a chubby toddler – and then, over a series of other albums, into a long-legged pre-teen and then a rangy adolescent, and then a young woman…

At some point the albums peter out and cross over into something more chaotic, just loose photos, hundreds of them, THOUSANDS of them, from four continents, with occasional efforts being made to sort them and categorize them. Most of the time nobody wrote down anything on the back so actual times and dates and locations are sometimes probably literally known to only one viewer – me – because I was either in the shot (at an identifiable age from which I can then map the rest of the details) or, later on, I was the one behind the camera and remember taking that shot.

By the time my father stopped taking pictures and making albums I had my own camera – but my pictures are different from the ones that came before. I take pictures of landscapes and animals and clouds in the sky and flowers in my garden and butterflies and the ocean and snow. My pictures are of the things I have seen and preserved like a solid little memory square in full Technicolor.

But I don’t have many pictures of people. With my dad’s abdication as photographer and archivist, the long line of the family record really all came to a sputtering end, with a few explosions at a handful of times – a bunch of shots from my graduation(s) from University – a bunch of pictures on which I feature from our sojourn in New Zealand – a couple of shots of me from my South Seas adventure – and then one or two here and there, just as proof of life, I am still here and I am still walking this Earth, but nothing like the sustained record that there was when I was young.

A similar chaos exists from the era that was pre-me.

The older pictures, the black and white shots filled with faces I do not know, my grandparents’ generation. Pictures I cherish because of their age and their testimony – shots of my grandparents as young parents, one particularly affecting one with them weeping over the tiny coffin of their second daughter who did not survive her babyhood – my great-uncle’s high-school graduation photo (he was a handsome young devil) – pictures of my mother as a ten-year-old with her hair in wheat-gold braids. But many of these older pictures are already lost to me because I can no longer identify their subjects. Some of them actually have dates on the back – semi mythical ones, to me, like 1936 and 1945 and 1950, the days before I existed – but the people who might know anything more about those pictures are beginning to vanish.

My father, the great photographer and organizer, died last year. While he was still with us I did a time capsule of sorts for him, combing through that chaos of loose photos for ones in which he appeared, putting them all together in a coherent timeline in a separate album.

Here was my father in a rare early picture when he was seventeen. Here he was in his twenties, and then in his late twenties and a soldier in uniform (they had obligatory military service in those days, and he was in uniform for a while, was in one when he met my mother, and it was horrifying, shocking, for her to be seen being squired around by one of the soldier boys, according to the accepted laws of propriety her culture lived by….), and then in his early thirties holding toddler me in his arms, and then in his forties still young and full of gung-ho optimism about the world flying out into adventure under the flag of the United Nations into Africa with wife and daughter in tow – and him in his fifties, and then his sixties,, and then the later ones, in his seventies, thin and spare and white-haired…

I do not have any of him from the last three months of his life. I did not want to remember him like that (as if I could ever forget, seeing it in real life, holding his skeletal arm in my hand as I supported him as he tried to walk…) But there it is, in front of me, pure time travel, me at my father’s side as he traversed the years of his life, the pictures bringing to life this moment or that one, conversations that started with “Do you remember…?”

It’s a time travel that can go in one direction only, into the past, into the things that were, that had been. Into memory. And photos can take you straight there – take a good look at one, and then close your eyes, and you can live the moment again as though all the years in between never were. You can be young again, any time you choose. You can look at a picture and remember joy, or sadness, or triumph, or awe. Time vanishes into a line, into a dot, and it’s all one continuum, and you and your older self hold hands like ghosts and dance across the story of your life.

It did occur to me, when I was putting together Dad’s albums, that it all ends with me.

I don’t have anyone to come after me. No young eyes are looking at these photos, no young eyes that share the histories that the pictures represent. I discovered already, the hard way, how fast those pictures can become just a pile of paper, in the end – when my father died, my mother culled his own vast mess of uncategorized and un-albumed photos, and she only kept a few, a precious few. Somehow the rest of them – the vast majority of them – lost all meaning when Dad went. A handful were useful as pointers… but photos… are a very personal time machine. Without the spirit to drive them, they become dead letters, a dead story, a vanished history, no longer of interest to anyone except someone who might have cared about the smiling face on the pictures in some capacity, or possibly, if that face had been a public figure of some sort, a dispassionate archivist putting together a collage for a museum exhibit, a cold static display.

This is a time machine for the soul. And it looks back, only back. And when the spirit withers, so does the ability to make sense of the time travel, and meaning, and memory.

I still have photos of my grandparents, dead now these twenty years and more. But for me, their meaning lies in the shreds of personality that still cling to them, the ghostly sound of remembered laughter, or a whispered word in their voice.

Dad’s images are still too young, too fresh, I remember him too well living – some of the more lasting images I recall of him are not recorded by camera but indelibly imprinted in my own mind, and these will be the things that cling to his own photos eventually, like my grandparents’ But for now it’s all still too close, too real. The time machine still sputters, fitfully. His hand is not in mine any more but I can still go back in time with him, he is still close enough for me to do that with.

But it will be a year since he left me, very soon. A YEAR. It’s hard to believe. Another year or three or five and the time machine will come to a final stop, somewhere, and everything will be just dust and ashes and memories.

But not yet. Not yet.

There are still a few journeys into time I can take with my father’s soul as my guide.


This essay might be of special interest to writers of detective and mystery novels who would like to enrich their stories by providing their readers with a gift of extra details. It might also be of general interest to many other readers, especially those who are CSI and NCIS fans.

Although the outcome of some criminal cases are decided by one crucial piece of evidence. many are based upon a combination of supporting pieces of evidence. Such a case was one involving a murder in Texas. A major factor was provided by a friend of the murderer to whom the latter had confessed. Supporting evidence was provided using a unique method that promises to be applicable in many other situations.

Moises Sandoval Mendoza had recently turned 21 when he strangled, stabbed and assaulted a 20-year-old mother and school acquaintance named Rachelle O’Neil Tollesone. Mr. Mendoza was a Mexican national living in Farmersville, Texas. Ms. Tollesone also lived in Farmersville At the time of the murder, Mr. Mendoza was awaiting trial for aggravated robbery with a deadly weapon. He was accused of having been involved in the commission of several robberies at gunpoint in Dallas. He had also been charged with misdemeanor assault for allegedly having attacked his own sister in the front yard of the Mendoza home.

According to court documents filed by police, Mendoza had hidden Ms. Tollesone’s body in brush behind his house, but, after having been questioned by police about her disappearance, he had moved it to a remote area and tried to remove her fingerprints by burning her body. Mr. Mendoza later revealed details of what he had done to a friend, Stacy Marie Garcia. Since the information she provided to authorities included details that could not have been known by anyone not somehow connected to the murder, a judge signed a warrant for Mr. Mendoza’s arrest.

Police and volunteers searched areas around Farmersville for Ms. Tellesone’s body, but it was ultimately discovered in another county by a man looking for arrowheads. A medical examiner was able to identify the burned body by comparing the body’s teeth with Ms. Tellesone’s dental records.

Although the information provided by Ms. Garcia was compelling, the sheriff’s office did not halt its investigation at this point. They contacted a dendrochronology expert with hopes of finding supporting evidence using annual tree rings in what appeared to be partially burned fireplace logs used to burn Ms. Tellesone’s body. Mr. Mendoza had been seen putting similar logs in a fireplace at a social gathering. Unfortunately, the expert found the logs to be of mesquite, a wood that grows so erratically that tree ring analysis would not provide dependable information.

Eventually, a physicist used a Laser Induced Breakdown Spectrometry (LIBS) technique to analyze logs from the scene where Ms. Tellesone’s body was burned and from those Mr. Mendoza had been seen putting in the fireplace. Trees extract metals and other trace elements from soil, and their presence reflects what metals and other elements reside in soil in their location. Using the LIBS technique, a strong, pulsed laser was focused onto a sample of the wood, breaking it down to form a plasma. As the plasma cooled, atoms of different elements in the sample emitted energy in the form of light. Each element emitted light having a unique wavelength. Each wavelength was used to identify a specific element. The intensity of emitted light was used to identify an associated element’s concentration. The information provided by the technique has been referred to as a chemical “fingerprint.”

Burned and unburned portions of the logs were specifically tested for the presence and concentrations of aluminum, calcium, carbon, iron, magnesium, manganese, nitrogen, silicon, sodium and titanium. The resulting spectra of the mineral contents of both burned and unburned portions of all the tested logs were found to be identical. That indicated they were all from a single tree or from trees in an immediate vicinity.

The combination of the testimony provided by Ms. Garcia and the LIBS data resulted in a death sentence for Mr. Mendoza.


Thirty-two US states have death penalties; eighteen do not. Six have abolished it during this century.

The term, dendrochronology, refers to the dating and study of annual growth rings in trees. It has often been used to discover ancient climate patterns.

Tree ring comparisons have had a place in forensics since at least 1932, when tree ring patterns in boards used to make a crude ladder were found to match rings in boards found in one Bruno Hauptmann’s attic. Hauptmann was believed to have used the ladder to gain entry to the Charles Lindbergh home to kidnap the Lindberghs’ 20-month-old son.

As an added bit of trivial nostalgia, the superintendent of the New Jersey State Police during the Lindbergh kidnapping affair was the father of the late General “Stormin Norman” Swartzkopf. Those readers alive during the 1930’s or who are fans of recordings of “Old Time Radio” programs might recall Stormin Norman’s father narrating a popular, true-crime radio program named “Gang Busters.”


The larder is full, and so I’m happy to take on some of these questions you’ve so thoughtfully provided over the past several months. As a writer, whatever informs me about people, informs my craft. If it deals with human nature (which is what writing is about), creativity, author questions, or personal interest, I’ll consider it in the mix. When readers take the trouble (and sometimes the hurt) to share, I want that reflected in this column. And whether I include your question or not, please never doubt that I’m extremely grateful for the communication.

Q [Los Angeles, CA]: Are you on something?

A: Gag, cough. Actually, I get asked that a lot. No. Not on something. Well…caffeine can wig me out. Don’t drink coffee, but for a long time I was scarfing down 6-7 cups of coffee-flavored yogurt with Italian black cherries mixed in. Also ate a lot of chocolate. Got to be an allergy problem, my heart going like a trip hammer, chest so tight I felt like I was breathing through a straw. I was in denial – Sound of Mickey Mouse voice shooting out of me like a Gatling gun: “Caffeine? No, this stuff doesn’t affect me at all! I haven’t slept in 12 days!!! Wanna see me fly to the top of that tree?!?” I was eating so much yogurt, I was starting to yodel. Mountain goats followed me home from the store where I was ordering six cases of coffee-flavored yogurt (72 cups) at a time. I have now kicked caffeine cold turkey. Stock tip: do not buy shares of Dannon.

Q [?, OH]: What are you working on now?

A: Just finished a short story (“Hate Me Afire”) for an invitation-only collection and am getting ready to do proofs for a soon to be released new epic novel, CASE WHITE.

Q [Sioux Falls, SD]: Do you read e-books, and if so in what format?

A: Kindle. Was dragged kicking and screaming into e-books – couldn’t very well publish them and not read them – but like most readers I soon discovered how convenient and easy to handle they are. Same with audiobooks, after the very talented Bob Walter read my novels THE MARTYRING and DUST OF EDEN onto disc and downloads. I still read hard copies while soaking in a hot bath at 2 a.m., but there’s a lot of rewarding entertainment in these other formats.

Q [Evansville, IN]: I feel like many people who write you with their problems say they feel, meaning boxed in and dissatisfied except I admit there is no real reason to be. My marriage is good and I earn a good salary in a career I like. My husband doesn’t mind that I’m the principal breadwinner and he says I’m the sexiest woman in the world. He thinks I’m crazy but we just don’t seem to be doing anything with our lives. Does that make me ungrateful or selfish? I don’t want to make too light of this because it’s a serious problem between us.

A: First of all, congratulations! A good salary and the sexiest woman alive – that’s pretty unique. If all your husband basically needs is sex and money, and you give him sex and money, what’s the problem? None, as far as he’s concerned. Everything, from your POV. Unfortunately, it’s not so unique to feel that someone married only part of you. Key phrase in your email: “boxed in…” There. I’ve isolated the problem for you. Can’t give you an answer. Have to say, sounds like it wouldn’t take much to keep the simple aspects of your marriage going. Beyond that, it might have something to do with the quality of your communication, or it might be that bottled oxygen is only keeping you clinically alive when you need actual air. But if you don’t want to hang in a closet, give the door a push, because there might be daylight on the other side. This is where a lot of women throw themselves into motherhood, though you don’t mention children. When men feel there’s something missing they usually find an outlet or a way to go numb (loud TV, quiet bathroom). You sound like someone who needs the opposite of numbness, so maybe you have to create a partition for that part of you. I know that’s scary if you don’t want to define a part of yourself separately from what you thought marriage would be, but then most of us eventually discover we’ve gradually been doing that anyway. You want me to tell you you’re free to do that? Can’t. If that doesn’t come out of you, you won’t be able to handle the independence, in which case you’re better off decorating that closet to your tastes. Nothing wrong with a cozy, secure closet, if it makes you feel…secure.

Q [Huntington?, WV]: I wish I was as happy as you seem to be, and it makes me wonder what makes you mad?

A: Gulp, gulp [downs 6 anger management pills]. Nothing special in my temperament that way – anything that bothers other people can get to me. But I do regard anger as mostly useless. As with the woman in the previous question, wasting life ranks pretty high among things that turn me off, though my reaction is more like dispirited anger. As I recently posted on Facebook: “Nature didn’t create us for our personal benefit. It created us for the sake of life itself. We are each merely a representative of a process. That is nature’s strategy for survival of a species. Beyond that, we are on our own. If you want to thrive as an individual, you must be an individual.” So, my mind boggles and my eyes cross when I see a person paralyzed with doubt, fear or guilt and living out a blueprint drawn up by someone else or society at large. I just migrate away from circumstances that eat up life but go nowhere and from people who drain me that way. Ditto enabling someone’s dishonesty about themselves. That makes me feel like I’m disrespecting them – especially if it’s a case of cognitive dissonance where someone is blindly irrational in order to protect core beliefs. Maybe that’s a kind of hot button, if that’s what you’re asking. Anyone who reads even a little of what I write can easily see that my consuming interest is human potential, i.e. freedom and creativity. Therefore, whatever frustrates that frustrates me. Conversely, vitality and eagerness inspire me, and that’s a good way to avoid/heal anger.

Q [Ontario, Canada]: Have you always been a writer? Or did you work other jobs that taught you?

A: Often new writers are frustrated because they can’t just follow a yellow brick road through college into gainful employment with the job description: AUTHOR. “Keep your day job,” they are told. For the record, I’ve worked many jobs, including 23 years as a teacher. There is no sanctioned path to writing as a career, and it’s different for each individual. But I think it’s problematic to try to become a writer by formal training rather than discovering who you are and then writing as a consequence of that. I became a writer (even if the world didn’t know or care) mainly because wherever I was and whatever I was doing, I was being me. A loner – yes – a maverick – yes – full of obscure humor, hard to understand and impossible to love – yes, yes, yes. But I’m also an adventurer, a seeker, someone who needs to grow, learn and discover every day. In a word, my life always feels new. And it slowly dawned on me that I have that effect on other people. I make them feel new. Maybe that’s bad for people who are secure in their groove and just want to stay there forever, but it’s good for people whose groove is a rut. I can see it in their faces, their energy. I’m like a virus and it brings out some predisposed part of others that I like to think of as freedom or a rush not unlike youthful joy. My writing style is just another expression of that – an employable asset the same as in every other job I’ve had. It’s my one universal job skill, the headline on my low wattage marquee. And it’s given me much more than writing. It’s given me lost souls, abiding friendships, meaningful salvations, not a little joy, celebrations, and one very special person whose bright eyes told me for the first time that it was shareable. Maybe that’s the only redeeming thing about my life, but though it undoubtedly relates to my being a writer, writing is the least of it.

There’s no magic like summertime magic! Wishing you Technicolor to dazzle your days and heat lightning to galvanize your nights…

Thomas “Sully” Sullivan

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