Storytellersunplugged

Last go-around, I spoke about different ways of promoting oneself and their work–more untraditional ways of getting into the public’s eye. As discussed, I’d taken a huge long shot in trying to land a spot on the reality TV show Survivor. I’d made a tape, filled out the lengthy application from CBS.com and sent it all in. After a month of waiting, I’d received an e-mail from an assistant to a casting director at CBS asking if I’d be interested in trying out for Big Brother instead. I’d said yes, and after a month wait, got another e-mail asking me to download the application at CBS.com, and come down to a public casting call.

The casting call took place in NYC on a Sunday morning. Armed with my 30-page application (which took me about 4 days to complete), two photos of myself, copies of DEEP IN THE DARKNESS, and THE DEMONOLOGIST, along with some another personal items such as my birth certificate, etc, I headed off into Manhattan to audition for Big Brother. Now, mind you, I’m a big Survivor fan, and had originally applied for this show. After finding out that BB had some interest in me, I’d learned as much about the show as possible, and realized it was pretty much like Survivor, only with comforts, like food, beds, showers, beer, etc.

So, I arrive an hour early, expecting to see a line around the building. Instead, I find only about 15 people hanging around, waiting in the lobby of a small studio. It was cold and rainy that day, and I was grateful not to be outside. By the time 11:00 rolled around, there were perhaps 100 people there—not a lot. I later found out that this was an invite only audition, so I felt honored to be there amongst all the actor-wannabes with their suave headshots and spiked hair. Finally, they begin bringing groups of ten upstairs. They put us in a small gymnasium where the casting director, a bald biker-looking dude with lots of tattoos and earrings, tells us we have three minutes to impress: “Tell me why I should pick YOU for the show.”

Okay—after days and days of memorizing what I was gonna say, I had about five minutes to come up with something fresh and exciting…and completely different.

So, folks start filing into a small closed-door office…and after five minutes, filing out. I’ve got my application in hand, and soon enough, I get called.

I’m led into a small room. There’s a camera, and an ‘X’ on the ground. The bald biker dude is there, and tells me to stand on the ‘X’. There’s also a couple of young kids, interns or assistants I’d assumed. He tells me to state my name, my age, and my hometown. Then he asks the question: “What would make you a good contestant for Big Brother?”

So I begin to bullshit: Well, I’m an extremely confident person. I know I can win. I also possess all of the traits that in my opinion makes an interesting BB player. On the outside, I am a sweet, charming, suave, soft-spoken gentleman. On the inside, I’m really working everyone. As a horror fiction writer, it’s my job to get into people’s heads, to figure what makes them tick, what their likes and dislike are, and then to write about it. So, I’ll make mental notes about everyone, and believe me, in 24 hours I’ll know more about every person in that house than everyone else will ever know about me. It’s all about character development, applying my writing techniques to the real world. I do it all the time.

I am a very determined, creative person. Ten years ago, I’d never written a single word in my life. Now, I’ve published four novels. It’s the creative instinct in me that will make me one of the best players BB has ever seen. I’m the guy that reads princess stories to his two daughters, tucks them in, then goes downstairs to write about organ-hungry zombies and serial killers with power tools. Many people, when they meet me at first, see this smiling, charming, sophisticated Italian boy. After they read my books, they’re second guessing me. Everyone asks me: what’s going on in that head of yours? Well, the other houseguests will be thinking the same thing, and they’ll hesitate voting me off because, one, they like having me around, and two, they’ll be determined to find out what makes me tick as well.

From that point on, the casting director starts asking me tons of questions about my writing. I give him copies of my books, and before I leave (fifteen minutes later), he asks me to sign them for him. Cool. I say good-bye, and go home and wait. And wait.

And wait.

I figure nothing is going to come of it, when my cell phone rings. I’m at the gym. I look at the number and do not recognize it. Hrmm. When I pick up, a man asks for me. He introduces himself as a casting director from LA, and says, “Congratulations Michael, you’ve made the BB semi-finals.”

Wow.

Now, this is where the fun (or anxiety) really kicks in. I had to download a 70-page (that’s right, 70) application. I am told to bring it, completely filled out, along with my birth certificate, to a midtown Manhattan hotel the following week. I am given a time, and am told not to show up more than five minutes early. I am told what type of clothing to wear, and when I arrive, am told not to lie about anything, or I’ll get thrown out. So I pretty much stress out for a week. I think about having to make the trip to LA and spend three months in a house with complete strangers, all vying for a half-million dollars. And all I keep telling myself is: This oughtta sell a TON of books.

A week passes by. The day of my interview has finally arrived. I take an extended lunch hour, and walk to Times Square to the hotel where my semi-final interview is located. I ride up to the sixth floor, and find a suite where there are a few people lounging about. Here is where they take my monstrous application, and then ask me to sign a waiver that states I cannot divulge any aspect of the forthcoming interview with anyone, including my family. In the event that they discover I am on the internet blogging about every detail, they will sue me for 5 million dollar.

Hrmm…might be a good way to sell books.

Anyway, for reasons explained, I really can’t tell you the details, but I will say that it was intense. It lasted about 45 minutes, and I was in a dark room with bright lights in my eyes the whole time. I was grilled bigtime, and then was sent on my way.

But, before leaving, I made certain the CBS casting director from LA got copies of my books.

I walked out of there, feeling that I wasn’t going to be picked, and I wasn’t, obviously. But next year, I’ll know what to expect. And, hopefully, I’ll be away all summer with a chance of pocketing a half-million dollars, and the reality of selling a ton of books.