Storytellersunplugged

Body Language

There are languages aplenty in this world, and a few that are almost universal. Here’s one I tend to think a lot of people forget about.

Body Language: the language spoken without words that can say enough to fill a diary. What a lovely notion. With a glance, a smile, perhaps something as subtle as the tilt of the head and a slow half blink of the eyes, a member of the opposite sex (or the same sex for that matter) can say “I’m attracted to you, and I wouldn’t mind getting to know you better.” It’s a lovely thing.

Just the way a person LOOKS at you can speak volumes.

It’s a subtle thing, and one I fear a lot of writers don’t pay enough attention to. The same can be said in reverse, of course. There are a few out there who pay far too much attention.

Think about it. What does it mean when that girl across the way from you is playing with her golden tresses, spinning them around her fingers whenever she talks to you? Have you ever seen a man puff out his chest and walk a little straighter when certain people walk past? In some cases, the latter example could be taken as a sign that he unconsciously wants to impress a member of the fairer sex. In other cases it could be a reaction to seeing someone he considers a threat.

Contemplate any of your close friends, and then think about how many different smiles you’ve seen on that person’s face. Some of them are friendly, some might well be challenging. Some are sarcastic and some are just a side effect of laughter at a crude joke.

The way a person’s hands move in conversation can say a lot about whether or not that individual is excited, angry or sedate. I bet if you study a few of the people you know, you’ll even discover that some of them are effectively struck dumb if they can’t use their hands to emphasize whatever their mouths are saying.

Some people’s entire emotional state can be seen easily by how they move: slow, languid reactions when calm, precise, fast paced motions when angered.

Watch the way a toddler interacts with strangers. Sometimes they positively flirt, hiding behind a parental unit’s leg and looking up with the most amazing smiles and expressions of curiosity. Other times, exhaustion and general crankiness make those innocent little faces into the masks of demons. All of the expressions that will later mark the development of the facial muscles are there, but few of them have made changes to the shape of the face yet.

Check out the forced casual poses that most teens manage when they are with their peers. It’s interesting to see the difference in how a teenager acts around the family and then how they act around their closest friends and the people they want to impress. Notice how often they make eye contact and how much that can change depending on the situation.

Have you ever studied a painfully shy person’s posture and reactions? They do everything they can to avoid eye contact with anyone they don’t already know well enough to be comfortable with. The shoulders are often tucked in toward the neck in an unconsciously defensive position that looks awkward and seems to send a clear message to any predatory peers. That lowering of the eyes, the slow, sullen pacing, and the way the hands clutch at purse or books or just get shoved into pockets in the hopes that no one will notice them is as good as a neon sign to some of the more aggressive. It reads: TARGET in bright letters.

Now look on the other end of the spectrum. Take your average bully, who manages what I refer to as the “Jersey Strut.” The body is kept almost rigidly straight, and the eyes look at everyone, (excluding only serious authority figures) with clear challenge. The legs and hips move in a way that seems to show both a raging erection and a simultaneous need to clear the bowels. Watch for it, you’ll see what I mean.

It’s not always a clear language. Sometimes the interpretation can get all screwed up and then you have yourself a situation that can be comedic or tragic or even violent.

I’ll do you one better, it’s a language that can completely destroy what you’ve learned from somebody through conversation or exchanged e-mails, snail mails or IMs. Damnedable stuff.

I don’t tend to call people on the carpet for their body language. I fully understand that a great deal of it is unconscious. Not everyone thinks about the fact that their bodies are talking for them.

Here’s an example for you: a good friend of mine showed up at a function I went to not that long ago. We are good friends, we talk regularly. When we saw each other this last time around, however, there was shift that told me my friend did not wish to associate with me.

It was sometimes not there at all, and my friend and I hung out. And sometimes it was subtle, and sometimes it was LOUD. Little things, like sitting as far away from me as possible at the same table (or cluster of tables) are subtle. Now, please don’t misunderstand me, there was quite the crowd in the bar most of the time. That was fine. At no point did I feel slighted by this, because I fully acknowledge that my friend was not there solely to see me. Nor I my friend, for that matter. There were plenty of people to speak to, aside from yours truly.

However, when said friend then (and I’d lay odds completely unconsciously) went out of the way to avoid even looking in my direction, speaking to me or making eye contact, I took the hint.

We still speak. We’re still friends. For whatever reason at that particular time, my friend did not want to deal with me. No harm, no foul. But it’s an interesting point to observe as a writer. It’s the sort of thing that can cause a great deal of confusion. The speculation game starts up. The following examples are strictly examples and have nothing to do with the previous incident. Was it something I said? Did someone tell my buddy about that night in the bar when I hit on his girl? Was it something I didn’t say? Has someone been telling lies about me? These are all possibilities, and each has the potential for a story in and of itself. Naturally the easiest way to handle the aforementioned situation is to confront the person in question, but even that is opened up to a dozen variables. What could be something as minor as a headache can be misinterpreted with ease, and I can think of several occasions where people I know stopped speaking to each other for months because of that sort of situation. It all comes down to body language and how it is interpreted. If Joe is angry with me, he should tell me why. Hell if I’ll make the first move.

Another example of body language, and one that almost everyone is more alert to: The rolling of the eyes. Be it a comment you’ve made, or someone near you has made, I’d lay odds you’ve seen at least a few people roll their eyes in a “Please-God-spare-me-from-annoying-idiots” gesture. That one I get a lot. Probably the main reason I tend to keep my mouth shut. I can’t put my foot between my own teeth if I don’t open my lips to let said appendage slide through.

Body language is not an exact science, but after a while you can get what a few of the signals mean. Close friends and family members often build their own codes, and trying to interpret THOSE can be hellish.

Even a lack of body language can speak to you. It can be a part of the silent treatment, that special torture that says “You’ve-screwed-up-and-I’m-going-to-make-you-guess-what-you-did-wrong.”

Most of us have run across that a few times too.

Next time you’re alone in a bar, ignore the words spoken for a few minutes and WATCH the words spoken instead. It’s amazing the things you can learn. Try it at the grocery store, and you can probably assess who is talking on a cell phone with an ear plug in a matter of seconds, even if all you can see is the back of that person’s head.

That’s the end of my observations.

Keep Smiling,

James A. Moore