Storytellersunplugged

Writers are failed children.  Lemme try that on for a thesis sentence and see where it goes.  We already know that writers are failed adults by dint of the facts that they are dreamers, seldom get paid, and work sporadically; but do the roots of their malfeasance tangle with childhood?  The answer to that might be a handy object lesson for struggling parents who have burned their Dr. Spock books: “Eat your spinach and stop picking your nose, Mikey, or you’ll become ... Read More

Psssst. Got an inspiration problem? You say your battery is fully charged, but your starter is dead? And all those plots and plans in your head are wilting like hothouse roses at the North Pole on account of no one around you understands what you were meant to do in life? And you’re so down that you’re starting to fantasize delusions of adequacy. You say that your children’s release The Pop-up Book of Birth Control sold only two copies and that ... Read More

If this column goes anywhere -- and bear in mind that no one has ever accused me of writing from a plan -- I hope it leads to this conclusion: EVERY GREAT MUSICIAN WHO CREATES THEIR OWN SONGS IS A WRITER AT HEART, AND EVERY GREAT WRITER IS A MUSICIAN. Now, I’m no kind of great writer, and I’m all the way around the world from being a great musician, but you don’t have to be either in order to read and ... Read More

Flamingo Frank would hate it if I wrote his obituary, especially with black crepe hung all over it. Much too dreary. But early on the dawn of August 2, 2008 -- by his own decision, you can be quite certain -- Frank T. Wydra decided he’d had enough of wrestling with pancreatic cancer and told the subversive processes that were racking his body, “Okay, you want it, you got it.” He could do that because his physical presence was the least of ... Read More

Friday the 13th of June was a lucky day for me.  That was the start of a three-day weekend on Cross Lake, Minnesota, as a guest of Glenn Frey.  The friendship goes back 20 years now, and though our muses have different addresses and our histories follow different maps, we are brothers in the ether.  His muse glides elegantly from one success to the next; mine lives in the woods and sweats a lot.  His maps cover the Seven Wonders of the ... Read More

by Matteo Curtoni Yeah, I really thought I would. Dammit, I was *sure* I would. I fell in love with the story from day one and there was no reason in Heaven or Hell why I shouldn’t stick to it, write the whole bloody thing and deliver to my publisher precisely what I had planned to deliver. But that’s not gonna happen. Sure, I’ll deliver my novel sometime before the end of July but it won’t be pre-cisely the novel I had planned ... Read More

My mind went on a diet a while ago and already it’s lost nearly 1800 words.  It started by eliminating all those empty adjectives and adverbs that just pile bulk on the body of my work without any real nutrition.  Then it tossed out the interjections (pure comfort words – WOW! huh?).  You’re allowed substitutions on this diet, and so next went a bunch of nouns, replaced by less rich pronouns.  I feel much better now.  I have more energy and I ... Read More

I think it was the DragonBar that made me remember an early lesson in my writing career.  And that happened because the carp 'n' tuna syndrome that beset my wrists after too many 18-hour marathons at the keyboard eventually led me to try voice activation software.  Dragon NaturallySpeaking with its DragonBar is arguably the leader in that field.  I had tried using it in the late 90s to write a book for a celebrity, but the error rate just killed me when ... Read More

When it comes to writing, every day is April Fools’ Day.  The Muses -- hobgoblins of the mind that they are -- play their usual tricks 24/7/365.  Clear your desk, your computer screen and your brain for them and they will clear out of town.  Cut yourself off from pen and paper and they will immediately begin dictating the great American novel to you.  They have a sense of humor, a sense of irony, and no sense of obligation whatsoever.  Swim a ... Read More

My mother liked to get things done and hated to impose on anyone. This may be why she never made it to the maternity ward and birthed me in the lobby of a hospital. It was the first of many surprise entrances through the wrong door at the wrong time of life that have dogged me ever since. Now you might think that bad timing would be fatal to a writer or to anyone reaching for high stakes against long odds, and ... Read More